This thread discusses the Content article: Arrogance: The Fear of Vulnerability

OMG, Karen, each article in this series just gets better and better. Polaris gives such a CLEAR picture of how the energy moves. I love it.

I'm definitely doing ordinal arrogance for the most part, though I can see some cardinal manifestation in there too (e.g. I tend to only go "public" with my successes and rarely ever let anyone but a small circle of friends see my weaknesses/failures/disappointments).

I got an up close look at how my defenses go up while I had the flu last week. I had to ask my landlord to come in and unclog my bathtub drain a second time, and I was trying to formulate a reason that wouldn't make it look like it was a mistake I made. Because I already had low energy, the energy used up in defense was A LOT more noticeable. When I noticed the defense, I thought, "Screw it. This is too much work!" So I decided to drop the defense and just tell the landlord exactly what happened.

Similar situations happened a few more times, but only in my head. Some random thought about what somebody said or did would come up, and I'd catch my defensiveness start to go up because of how taxing it was. Then I'd consciously drop the defense and let the "assault" come through, but nothing actually did. There was nothing to defend and nothing to defend from.

The process I experience is exactly how Polaris described ordinal arrogance - a wall goes up when I perceive an individual threat, another goes up when I perceive another one, etc.

I'm not sure about the feeling of emptiness thought. Not that it doesn't make sense, but I haven't sensed a feeling of emptiness at the basis of my Arrogance (but I could just be too used to it). I get an unreasonable fear of people's reactions to my mistakes/weaknesses, as if they wouldn't like me or would punish me for them. I can see the fear that comes up but at the moment I'm not sure what is behind that fear.

I haven't listened to the visualization yet, but those group exercises sound like they would help! I wish I had someone to do them with.

Thanks Karen. Illuminating. Letting it digest.

Thank you!

I think there's a lot of confusion between ordinal Arrogance and Self-Depreciation. I think there's plenty of people online who claim they have Self-Dep and have Arrogance - just not the super exalted kind.

I actually don't have a lot of either Self Dep or Arrogance. My main one is Impatience, with some Greed and Martyrdom. Though as we go through these, it's easy enough to see that we have all chief features. That's the benefit of describing the inward function. As I've looked through descriptions online and in Jose Stephen's books, it's easy to get the stereotype and then say "oh no, I don't have this". Whereas to me it's more constructive to have a description of the inner process so I can say "yes, I have some of this even though it's not my primary".

In any case, it's likely Karen who can say how big my Arrogance is rather than me. You know how chief features are - it's the hardest thing to be self aware of. I'm sure Karen will use me as one example when getting to Impatience!

Regarding emptiness, I find that's the hardest thing to be aware of. I think that emptiness - or sense that we are lacking, flawed, or not perfect - is there in different forms in all the chief features. Sometimes I get frustrated in meditation because after meditating and simply letting go for a while, I think I "should" be feeling better. Whereas I'm honestly feeling worse: despair and emptiness. I suppose that's a "good" thing, but of course it doesn't seem like that to me at the time. Most of our models for self-improvement are an image. So there's disappointment when we do something and don't get closer to that image.

I think there's also information about what matches with Arrogance as well. In other words, what energies buy into the image. Certainly both ordinal arrogance and martyrdom buy into cardinal arrogance, in that both "get" something by believing in that image, thereby becoming smaller or invisible with the hope of getting something later. I've noticed that in myself.

Let us know what you think of the visualization!

For those not following celebrity gossip, David Letterman recently confessed on his show to having sex with female staffers after an alleged extortion plot threatenng to reveal more details of his untold life. He says he contacted the disrict attorney and gave a bogus check to the so-called extortionist for 2 million dollars in a sting operation. All of this in the news or his show. At one point he expressed concern about the hurt his wife must have felt.

For someone with a chief feature of arrogance I think he should have been grateful for the opportunity to open up and paid the two million and called it even.

AS someone who has been vulnerability challenged I can recall seeing criminals who were caught confessing their crimes and thinking how lucky they were to do so.

At one time I was in a group (scientology) that encouraged confessing one's transgressions. I was hoping I could do so, so thoroughly and completely that I'd never have to do so again. Hadn't realized that the grace is in being willing to be vulnerable not getting rid of the possiblity.

I enjoyed the descriptions of Esther Hicks and Dr. Wayne Dyer. Many more in the teacher/guru mode are dealing with arrogance.

lovingawareness wrote:
Certainly both ordinal arrogance and martyrdom buy into cardinal arrogance, in that both "get" something by believing in that image, thereby becoming smaller or invisible with the hope of getting something later.
What do you mean by "buy into the image"? Do you mean that in relation to other people (they're drawn to people with cardinal arrogance) or that they feed cardinal arrogance in themselves?

Oh, you know who's a great caricature of cardinal arrogance? The Wizard of Oz.

RE: Social Rewards
When Polaris started discussing social rewards for arrogance, I was waiting for them to go into some things that I see are really common in American culture, but they didn't. For instance, here it's virtually required that we puff ourselves up in resumes, job interviews, etc. Otherwise people think you have no confidence.

Diane says:
What do you mean by "buy into the image"? [of Arrogance] Do you mean that in relation to other people (they're drawn to people with cardinal arrogance) or that they feed cardinal arrogance in themselves?

Matthew Says:

Both. By buying I mean emotionally investing in it. Buying stocks in the outcome, so to speak. You fully believe the image that is presented and push away perceptions that there's something under that. It doesn't have to be cardinal arrogance per se. You can invest in anyone's chief feature. My experience has told me that part of the "rush" in discovering someone romantically is the energy of these investments which are agreements of sorts.

You're right Diane about not fully listing rewards for Arrogance. There's many professions it's almost a necessity. Any profession in which there's sort of a myth that they can do no wrong is covered in Arrogance.

One interesting exercise is to name people (famous people or just online) we think have the chief feature. Certainly I see Obama in Arrogance, with some other influences. Even someone like Eckhart Tolle I see as having some Arrogance, but not the exalted kind.

I say this in part because naming people that we know really checks in with us if we really believe that everyone has chief features, no chief features are better than others, and that it is not better to *not* have a chief feature. What's our reaction saying that a friend has Arrogance? Would it feel better to say Self-Dep? Or that it's mild? That reaction is our own buying into something. I recognize there can be a reaction - I remember having a spat when I recognized a chief feature clearly once - but to me it's about as neutral as saying someone's INFP or she can't dance West Coast Swing.


Redwood99 wrote:

At one time I was in a group (scientology) that encouraged confessing one's transgressions. I was hoping I could do so, so thoroughly and completely that I'd never have to do so again. Hadn't realized that the grace is in being willing to be vulnerable not getting rid of the possiblity..

Matthew:

Thank you for joining us! That's an impulse I'm all too familiar with. Doing something that sounds wonderful - like vulnerability, confession, forgiveness, patience - but really having it about getting rid of something. I see it in everyone around me - but I suppose I'm learning to laugh at it. It's wonderfully human, especially when we see not just the big things but how it happens in every single moment. That's where the humor is.

Being a sage who doesn't like hiding anything [Karen gives me TMI abort signals at least once a day] I can't say I've had huge relief feelings at confessing something. At the same time, it does feel a lot better not to have any constraints about what to show to society or people you trust. When there's shame about something, you hide it.

I think confession can be overemphasized and combined with society's desire to have a scapegoat and someone to direct anger and fear at. In non-supportive environments, confessing is combination of a "it's great that you confess" and "let me lay on the guilt now". Even confessing Catholic priests can be like that. This would match with the pattern of the chief feature to "prove" that if they *are* vulnerable, it's going to be awful. People combining Self-Destruction and Arrogance can create patterns demonstrating that over and over again.

However, I think that confessing to someone who sees you as absolutely perfect the way you are - as you are in your completeness - is transformative.


Thank you all!

I used to joke that I had the superpower of invisibility because I truly believed (or wished) myself invisible. The irony was that at the same time, I deeply longed to be truly "seen," but was deathly afraid of being seen if that meant having to uncloak all the things about myself that I didn't like or was uncomfortable with.

Letting go of the energy it takes to maintain that wall of invisibility has been a huge relief and has meant I can use my energy for other things. I still catch myself trying to hide from time to time, but I also found that it's a lot more fun being vulnerable and not trying to manage everyone else's reaction to me or my energy. Screw it, indeed.

I have been working on the idea and the actual doing of "surrender" to ameliorate arrogance. I look at a tree leaf and say something like this: Does not the tree want the leaf to be safe and succeed in all its potential (for it's good for the tree). Then doesn't God want me to be safe and succeed as well. Then I surrender myself to the TAO, for I'm safe in it, and have no fear. I'm finding that to surrender is working well to ameliorate my CF.

describens@yahoo.com wrote:


I have been working on the idea and the actual doing of "surrender" to ameliorate arrogance. I look at a tree leaf and say something like this: Does not the tree want the leaf to be safe and succeed in all its potential (for it's good for the tree). Then doesn't God want me to be safe and succeed as well. Then I surrender myself to the TAO, for I'm safe in it, and have no fear. I'm finding that to surrender is working well to ameliorate my CF.


This is a prime example of why it's wonderful to hear a priest's side of things too. Thank you! Sometimes I focus way too much on the insight and need to remind myself to relax, let go, and surrender.

This article has a glaring error...I'm no fan of Wayne Dyer, but I am familiar with his story and he does not claim he had a heart-centered childhood. In fact, he claims the opposite:
www.fosterclub.com/famous/dr-wayne-dyer

Thanks for mentioning this!

Karen