That is the primary fear behind the energy of martyrdom — the fear of bringing the Self out.

Marianne Williamson spoke of this dynamic, and speaks here directly to those who manifest the energy pattern of martyrdom.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Did this resonate strongly with you? Then you likely have some of the patterns of martyrdom inside you.

Childhood Origins

The typical childhood of the martyr involves a parent (or a member of the household) who is in general overbearing, loud, and of a very competitive nature. The child grows up feeling overwhelmed by the amount of loud energy. This loudness is not necessarily in physical terms (yelling, etc), but can be. Consistently, however, there will be a great deal of energetic noise. We're not necessarily talking about abuse in this pattern, but a large overbearing energy is required.

The person who chooses the energy of martyrdom is overwhelmed by this energetic loudness. The strong household presence also carries with it an expectation of competitiveness. The person choosing martyrdom therefore feels he needs to try to match that and compete somehow. But this overwhelming energy is so big and — being a small child — the martyr feels there is no way to compete with the energy. There is no way to "win" or to be as big as the overbearing person.

If the martyr cannot "win" in a competitive atmosphere, the next best thing is to be right. He can be right about his perceptions of the world and of the people surrounding him. He can be right about his perception of identity, which loosely corresponds to that of the "victim," someone helpless to his surroundings. By choosing the pattern of martyrdom, at least this can be fulfilled.

The person who manifests the energy of martyrdom will also experience patterns of energetic exchanges (beginning in childhood) where he feels his safety is threatened. This feeling of threat can be on a physical, energetic, or even an emotional basis. Such situations develop into martyrdom rather than into other chief features when there is already damage to the heart chakra, not only in the child but also to others around him — the energetically loud and overbearing caregiving adult. This is often a factor in why they are so energetically loud — it is a compensation for their lack of heart connections.

When there is damage to the heart chakra (or a closing of the emotional center) there is a tendency to feel disconnected from one's Self and one's desires. Having a desire typically manifests either from a feeling of completion and wholeness (the positive pole) or from a feeling of lack (the negative pole). The pattern of martyrdom leads one to only connect to desires from the negative pole.

The Payoff

Why would someone use the energy of martyrdom? How is this energetc pattern created?

Martyrdom allows an identity to be created using this energy:

• "I'm the one who bears the burden for everyone."
• "I'm the one that has to pay the price and suffer."

• "I'm the one who has to do everything."

There is also an emotional payoff in being a martyr. There is a lot of cultural appreciation for people who sacrifice and give of themselves for a greater good, and this appreciation has been built into some of your cultural models of femininity. So when someone, especially a female, chooses the energy of martyrdom she is automatically gaining the emotional appreciation of those around her.

Effects

The person who uses this energy has difficulty saying he wants. It may be implied in the energy that surrounds him, or even in his actions and words, but it feels safer to him to deny himself something that he wants because it allows him to stay safely smaller within the walls around him that he has built.

Martyrdom is always a response to an influx of energy. The response is always a drawing in — a getting smaller. In other words, when someone is using the energy of martyrdom and he senses the energy of someone else, a situation or of a possibility, his first reaction to this new thing is to get smaller.

If you're around a martyr, you might feel and notice this in a variety of ways. Some typical responses:

• Her voice gets quieter and with less resonance.
• Her body posture collapses and feels like it is in retreat.
• Eye contact is short and may be avoided.
• It feels like she is taking up less space in the room.
• There can be mixed messages of "listen to me" and "don't notice me".
• Her energetic field is literally smaller. Typically, she will withdraw her field from her third chakra "outer identity" field (2-3 feet away from the body, about a full arm's distance) to her second chakra "intimate, inner identity" field (about a foot from the body).

This reaction of martyrdom of getting smaller differs from the chief feature of stubbornness, where the first reaction is to put up a wall and "make it stop." However the aim of this movement of energy — this creation of a vacuum — is essentially the same as the aim of stubbornness: it's an attempt to make that influx of overbearing energy stop.

What's ironic about martyrdom is that it does leave a vacuum — a place for energy to move into. Ninety nine times out of a hundred the response of the initial person, situation or possibility would be simply to move into that void that was created. Because the martyr wants things to stop and wants to distance himself from this influx, again the irony is that by leaving a vacuum he's just allowed that energy to come closer still. Instead of holding it at arm's length by coming out to meet it, he's allowed in to his personal space, to the second chakra level. That feels like a violation.

He isn't necessarily being violated. That's his sense of the situation, but may not be reality. If you leave a void it is going to be filled by ... something. This is a rule of the universe.

This is what causes others to label the person with martyrdom as a "victim." It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which the person thinks "I want this to stop, so I'm going to pull back and be smaller." What happens is the energy moves in and gets even closer. The martyr becomes even more uncomfortable and typically also angry and resentful: "How dare you cross my boundaries that I thought I had out there. You came in closer! I thought I told you that I don't want you coming in any closer!"

The martyr thinks that by retreating from his full and complete outward-identity boundary (associated with the third chakra) that he is leaving a sign saying "don't cross this." Instead, what he is leaving is a void — an empty space which the universe tries to fill with what's available nearby. There is thus huge miscommunication and misunderstanding going on with martyrdom, both with others and within the Self.

Again, the martyr creates a persona of being a doormat and being violated because for one reason or another, he feels so otherwise empty inside that he want to at least be right about something.

Within martyrdom, you have a feeling that you are being violated — but again, a violation is not necessarily occurring.

Often the martyr will explode with anger and resentment. He didn't expect this feeling to happen. What he is expecting in terms of the payoff (as well as being right) is emotional appreciation. "I sacrificed for you. I got smaller, which is my identity — and you're supposed to love me more for this."

Often people choose this energy because they are not receiving emotional appreciation in any other way. It is, ironically, an effort to be seen.

There is a lot of irony in this particular chief feature. It's ironic because the martyr gets smaller — but in his perception he is attempting to be seen more, or at least to be appreciated.

The martyr regularly thinks, "I did this for you."

Healing Martyrdom

It is difficult for the person choosing martyrdom to simply "be bigger." This brings up cellular memories of his experience with the overbearing energy. What is most helpful is to allow himself to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability — true vulnerability — is the ability to be complete and present within your personal space. [In general, this is the space around you that you can reach with your hands.] It has nothing to do with allowing another person unrestricted access to your energetic core. Vulnerability is about bringing yourself forward as you are.

Being complete within your personal space requires a healthy third chakra and body presence, because this is the gateway from which you fill your personal space. People choosing martyrdom will frequently have some damage to the second chakra, because that's the level people come and meet them at when they retreat.

It is difficult for the martyr to simply to be bigger. It is more frightening for the martyr to be bigger than it is for others. Vulnerability is sometimes overwhelmingly frightening.

Typically people who heal this pattern receive, as an impetus, some sort of an emotional shock. This shock can be in various forms. We can think of a few major examples: a near death experience, an " enlightenment experience," experiences of extreme essence contact, and anything else where they are truly feeling the safety and the oneness of the universe.

That sounds like it only works for a few people.Those experiences aren't typical and seemingly only happen for a small number of people. However, essence contact is always available. The martyr is not always retreating; it's a constant ebb and flow. Because it's a constant ebb and flow, the martyr is often big with energy and therefore very open to essence contact.

What helps a person in martyrdom is awareness of energy flows. This awareness can be built in many different ways. Engaging in activities that move energy through the body and feeling the emotions that arise when this is done is immensely helpful. In other words, practicing yoga, Qi Gong, Tai Chi or any other of these types of activities with an emphasis on what you are feeling emotionally while you are practicing it is immensely helpful. Because there is ebb and flow of energy — being smaller and bigger as a being — then the martyr begins to realize that this give-and-take, this sacrifice, is optional.

Any awareness that you can make a choice other than getting smaller is helpful.

The easiest and the most common way to heal from the pattern of martyrdom — aside from an energetic shock or enlightenment experience — would be the death of the person that was responsible, the "overwhelming energy" person of childhood. Many people, as their parents become elderly and die, undergo big changes. There's no accident to this. They no longer feel held by that big energy. They are no longer reacting or responding to it. It doesn't necessarily take the death of a parent but, as that parent ages and the dynamic naturally changes, it is natural for people as they are approaching their 40s and 50s (in what is commonly called the "mid-life crisis" or in Michael teachings terms, the fourth internal monad) to transition through life and become more confident and aware of all the gifts they have.

Martyrdom, in 60% of cases, tends to have less effect later in life as a natural result of becoming more self-aware. Often the death or major changes in the person responsible for its initial impetus will accompany this change.

Another healing situation for the martyr comes from putting himself in situations where it is necessary to be vulnerable in some way: acting, performing, speaking to groups, and teaching, even teaching one-on-one. In each of these activities, there is no "right" way to do them, and so there is an automatic letting go of desire. All of these activities help to bring the Self out and are helpful in healing martyrdom, especially if one can be aware of the energy dynamics that exist. In other words, be aware enough to feel the trigger to get smaller and simply choose otherwise. But again, becoming truly vulnerable and moving into that third chakra space can be more difficult for the martyr than for people not using this energy.

The martyr will tend to think of himself as small, unseen and invisible — when he truly he wants to be seen. There is a fear about being seen but he craves it. Are you seeking to let go of this pattern? We offer you an affirmation. It is empowering and invites you out more, helping you understand that you are interacting with the people on a powerful, larger level:

I am bigger than I seem.

Closing

While the words "martyrdom" and "victim consciousness" sound negative, we remind you that we see utter perfection in both this pattern and the choices that create it. It is What Is. Ultimately, you would not know your own power, nor have compassion for those who do not see their own, without experiencing this pattern on the human plane. This pattern is, as is everything that we see, a beloved gift that you give yourselves. You may choose to think of these words as our gift to you, that you may more clearly see the choices that you make and the limitless possibilities open to you.

Again, we see utter perfection in all choices, including the choices that create martyrdom. We invite you to see this perfection as well, especially if martyrdom is a part of You. Seeing perfection in What Is is in itself a perfect path of healing.